So, since I've changed majors to graduate I have to take a capstone class that kind of sums up my college experience; this class is temporal welfare for families. So far, I love this class! It is taught by a cute little old man that you just want to be your grandpa! He has so many wonderful stories and I can tell I am going to learn a lot from him. Our assigned "textbook" is a book called Bonds That Make Us Free by C. Terry Warner. So far I've only read the first two chapters, but I already highly recommend it! I'd like to share my insight with you that I've gained from just the first two chapters because they have been so impactful for me already. I hope this post doesn't seem overly personal...
I've recently told Jeff that I feel like I've changed and not in a way that I like. Maybe it's the sleep deprivation that I started experiencing before Jackson even came into this world. But I am much more easily agitated with people (especially if I don't know you) and it's been harder for me to assume the best of people lately. For instance if someone cuts me off, I used to think 'Maybe they have some sort of emergency like their wife is in labor,' but now I just get upset... I haven't been too fond of this change in me. I never really expected myself to fundamentally change like that, but I know that I can change my heart again to see the good in others and overcome this.
"Any inner space, no matter how large, will be filled by any agitation, no matter how small." Lately, I feel like I have been "wronged" by people. Someone took my parking spot, the person sitting next to me in class doesn't have as much homework as I do tonight, I'm already running late and I get stuck behind someone driving slower than the speed limit, Jackson scratching my face over and over, etc. It feels like once one bad feeling happens, your whole days spirals and your mind becomes consumed with thoughts like these. And then you feel "stuck" in these feelings. We "experience other people or circumstances as having more power over our own happiness than we do." I'm hoping I'm not the only person whose felt this way before. But this book talks about how "honest self-understanding liberates us from our stuck emotions." So if I'm honest with myself I know that it's no one else's fault that I'm upset, except my own.
So to make things right, I am going to stop "betraying" myself. This book refers to self-betrayal as "when we do to another what we sense we should not do or don't do what we sense we should." When I have a thought come into my head that I should do something (hold the door open for the person behind me) for someone else (ie: a prompting from the Spirit), I am just going to follow it. Why is that so hard in the first place? Because I have become self-absorbed and then start justifying why it was okay that I didn't follow that prompting. So, this week I am going to try to really follow the promptings of the Spirit and try to see the good in those around me. Sorry for the long post. Have a good week!